I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
