I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
