I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
