we have pet lesbian snakes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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