my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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