please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
