hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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