i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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