I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
