just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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