Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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