mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
