But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
