why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
