Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
