I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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