i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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