We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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