Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Jerry, you need to find god
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
