I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
