Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
