Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
