dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
