I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
