I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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