I am spending my child support on dildos
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
