My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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