she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I cockslap morals
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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