well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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