I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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