I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
