Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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