It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
