Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
