I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
