Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
