My friends, they love my intelligence
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
