I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
