Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
