I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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