wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
