Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
