He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
