1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
love makes seman taste better
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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