I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
