she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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