Soap is not a condiment
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
