If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
