I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
