I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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